Steven Wright quotes

"Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time"

"I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol"

"I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it"

"I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five"

"I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went to the funeral in one car"

"I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!"

"I intend to live forever. So far, so good"

"I live on a one-way street that's also a dead end. I'm not sure how I got there"

"I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose"

"It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature"

"It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it"

"On the other hand, you have different fingers"

"There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot"

"Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect"